Where I'm at Now

[Rachel]

Sometimes I think about posting but decide not to because lately I've been so up and down and all over the place. I keep changing my mind about things and I'm afraid it will drive people nuts. But if it helps me work through things then I guess that's reason to keep blogging!

I haven't posted in the past couple days because I'm afraid I'll jinx it. I know that's ridiculous... but basically Sunday I woke up knowing I had to change my eating around. I binged or ate horrible every day last week!!

I weighed in at 140. I started counting points and am doing 25 points a day this week. But the numbers aren't really what matters- it's my mindset that feels a lot better.

For the first time in... a long time, I almost feel like my "old self" again. The one who does this on autopilot and doesn't let myself fail. I don't want to trick myself into thinking it will be easy this time. But it doesn't have to be hard necessarily either...

My husband and I saw a counselor today. Mostly we talked about our marriage but I did bring up emotional eating/binging. She brought up how I need to rely on God for this and that is SO true and something I rarely think about. I guess sometimes I'm worried God won't care about something as insignificant as this, but how can I think that? It's completely not true.

We didn't really get into the "why" of it happening today... I plan on bringing that up next time. She did say you need to make the commitment NOT to do it. Just give it up, and give it to God. No more binging.

Next time I get tempted I really need to go to scripture and prayer. God will help me through it!!

The scale this morning was down to 137... so 12 pounds to go. That's nothing! :)

[Erica]

Rachel I have not posted in months. I'm in a weird place mentally & I'm having a really tough time getting back. I'll be posting about it. Thanks for this post it brings me hope that I will soon be in losing mode again, soon!

[Tiffany]

I can so relate to where you are right now. The up and down, the emotional roller coaster, the horrible eating and binging and feeling like I am not sure where to start again. But most of all I can relate to knowing I need to turn it all over to God. I am glad I read your post today b/c that is just something I need to remind myself of daily. I rely on God for everything else, so why not my eating? Thanks for posting and being honest as always! :)

[Tricia]

Rachel, I feel the exact same way lately. I haven't been posting as often, b/c I feel like I keep going up and down and just can't get my crap together. It sounds like you have made a shift in thinking. I think it's great that you and the hubby are seeing a counselor to talk through some things. I am sure most marriages would benefit from that. Please pass on what you learn about the binge eating.

[Alison]

Rachel, thank you for your candid posts! You are such an amazing woman for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable and really sharing your innermost thoughts. I wonder if some support from other women would be good, is there maybe a women's bible study you could join somewhere? I love mine and get such inspiration and encouragement from the wonderful ladies in the group. I also wonder if you might find peace in setting a higher weight for yourself that is a little easier to maintain? Sorry if I am saying too much, I know what has helped me and I want to help you too :) I hope you have a great rest of your week!

[Liz]

We are hear to listen, not judge - keep changing your mind, keep thinking, keep reviewing... that with get you through this, as will your faith. You aren't alone - virtually or spiritually :)

[Erin]

Knowing where you are now, and facing it, is the first step to getting to where you want to be. And a positive attitude helps! I know you've got that covered. and no matter what you're going thru I'm sure there is at least one person on here thats gone thru the same thing. You CAN do it.

[Maren]

That is so true Rachel! Sometimes we forget that there is a higher power that can give us the strength that we at times are lacking. Nothing is insignificant to God if are in need of help. If you are feeling the weight of something on your shoulders....he cares about it. I know that he wants us to be happy and he often waits for us to call on his name for help. I often think about a picture I once saw and it had a picture of Christ on it. He was standing in front of a door but the door did not have door knob. He was waiting there for someone to open it and let him in. Prayer can open that door. I think back to some difficult moments in my life and the ones that I was the most successful at were the ones I asked God to help me with. Thanks for the reminder. I also need to be more mindful of including him in my struggles and allowing his help. What a insightful post!