No matter the plan... we all Blog to Lose!
Introduction
New and Improved?
I'm new here, inspired by the CNN blurb :) I've started and stopped countless journals in the hope that someday I would have my own success story.
I thought, why not make it public? Why not draw on support from others?
I'm old, I'm almost 50 and I've been eating disordered my whole life. I eat for every reason other than health and feeding my body. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm lonely and I eat when I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I eat because I started eating and don't quit. Sometimes I eat because I smell something delicious. I eat because I think of a fond memory, a peppermint stick ice cream hot fudge sundae. I'll buy things I remember from childhood, like peanut clusters. I will eat them because they were restricted and now they aren't. I love to bake and eat all the evidence when I am alone. I love to be alone.
My daughter is disappointed in me. She sees how I eat. When I've done this I am no longer interested in fixing a healthy dinner for her or me. This is wrong! This is about more than me!
I was doing well for the past couple of weeks. The bingeing let up. My exercise was improving. I no longer felt as crappy as I do when I over do it. Somehow the last few days since Halloween I have slipped. I bought too much candy and no children came. Now I am eating it.
I'm training for a 10k at Thanksgiving day. We run this as a family every year. I'm perimenopausal this year and it's harder than it has been in the past. But I am determined to do this.
What else about me? My daughter is 18. I haven't mastered this yet, but I still have time to earn her respect in this arena. I have time to stop that look on her face when I can tell she is disappointed in me.
I need to get rid of the candy. It's going to work tomorrow. I don't care what I spent, let the vultures have it.
I am not dieting. That has not worked for me. I am committing to my health and the health of my daughter. I am committing to happiness that does not involve baking, ice cream or candy. I am committing to remaining aware of my life and my actions.
I'm new here, inspired by the CNN blurb :) I've started and stopped countless journals in the hope that someday I would have my own success story.
I thought, why not make it public? Why not draw on support from others?
I'm old, I'm almost 50 and I've been eating disordered my whole life. I eat for every reason other than health and feeding my body. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm lonely and I eat when I'm overwhelmed. Sometimes I eat because I started eating and don't quit. Sometimes I eat because I smell something delicious. I eat because I think of a fond memory, a peppermint stick ice cream hot fudge sundae. I'll buy things I remember from childhood, like peanut clusters. I will eat them because they were restricted and now they aren't. I love to bake and eat all the evidence when I am alone. I love to be alone.
My daughter is disappointed in me. She sees how I eat. When I've done this I am no longer interested in fixing a healthy dinner for her or me. This is wrong! This is about more than me!
I was doing well for the past couple of weeks. The bingeing let up. My exercise was improving. I no longer felt as crappy as I do when I over do it. Somehow the last few days since Halloween I have slipped. I bought too much candy and no children came. Now I am eating it.
I'm training for a 10k at Thanksgiving day. We run this as a family every year. I'm perimenopausal this year and it's harder than it has been in the past. But I am determined to do this.
What else about me? My daughter is 18. I haven't mastered this yet, but I still have time to earn her respect in this arena. I have time to stop that look on her face when I can tell she is disappointed in me.
I need to get rid of the candy. It's going to work tomorrow. I don't care what I spent, let the vultures have it.
I am not dieting. That has not worked for me. I am committing to my health and the health of my daughter. I am committing to happiness that does not involve baking, ice cream or candy. I am committing to remaining aware of my life and my actions.
Tags: binge, diet, new, no, perimenopause
Comment
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Comment by Shannon H. on November 4, 2009 at 6:49am - Love the no-diet approach! It's a lifestyle change, right? WELCOME!
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Comment by Liz on November 3, 2009 at 6:44pm - Welcome... looking forward to reading all your great success stories to come. You can do it!
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Comment by Danni Smith on November 3, 2009 at 5:15pm - Thanks for the welcome! I think the support will keep me coming back!
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Comment by Dani on November 3, 2009 at 5:05pm - Yes, welcome. I had to bring candy to work to get rid of it also. Good for you for training for the 10K. Wow! It's possible the more you train, the less you'll feel the urge to binge. Also, I have a 20 year old daughter, so I know how it hurts when you feel you've disappointed them. Congrats on your commitment to being aware.
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Comment by Mrs. Ballou on November 3, 2009 at 3:47pm - Welcome to BTL! You will love it here. There is amazing support and lots of inspiration! Being aware is more than half the battle. You can do this! :)
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