"if you want it bad enough you will make the change"

[Katherine Richeson]

Has anyone else ever thought about this quote? i mean i want to be thin and healthy so bad, but yet its like when i see a fast food restaurant, my want and drive goes out the window, and then i feel like i'm having an out of my body experience, watching my want for the fast food take over and drive the car through the drive thru, order what ever i chose, and drive off and then stop and eat it.. and then after i'm completely done, then its like my guilt takes over! I totally know that i am an emotional eater, and that things have been rough in my family for a long time, and in order to be strong for those around me, i have utilized food, in turn making myself more unhealthy and more unhappy then i've been in my entire life!! So currently in a family of 8, only 3 of us have jobs.. that is not a good statistic, and it is making it hard to make ends meet sometimes! and instead of saving or helping out when i can, i am spending a good majority of my money on eating out, rather then taking the time in the morning to eat in! sometimes i wish i had someone that would be like, Dana what the hell are you doing?

I have so many great tools around me to deal with stress, and anxiety and such, alot of those i've learned from my studies in music therapy, i know for me, sitting down singing, playing the piano, or playing the guitar are great stress relievers for me. I also know that exercise for me is a great stress reliever, yet i don't chose to do any of those things, rather i chose to stuff my face. what do i have to have happen, in order for me to get the picture that the way i'm living is not a good quality of life, and being able to save for the future and buy a home and a new car, means i am going to have to give up eating out. I am making a pledge not for the week, just for today, that I will not stop and buy any food out, that i will eat everything in today, which i think that alone would be best for me, that means no vending machines, no drive thrus, no gas stations, i know deep down i can do this, and i know there is that drive for me to do this, not i just have to put the plan into action. I've already lost 50 lbs, i know i can loose the rest, i mean i would feel so much better loosing 50 lbs by christmas, but i am not going to focus on that giant goal, i'm going to focus on being down 2 lbs by monday~! that is a totally doable goal, as we speak i am going to go weigh myself, and update my blog so that i will know where i'm starting over, and will know if i am able to loose the 2 lbs by monday!

In other news, i did make my first strides at walking again, i got home from work, i was completely exhausted, but i still knew that i had to take care of my dog, otherwise, he would continue to be hyper and not pleasant to be around, so i got home and took him on a 1.3 miles walk, its not spectacular, but ya know what, it wasn't all that bad just to walk the dog, and then after the walk, my mom and i stopped at chicfila on the way to my dads game, and suprisingly, i ordered a cesaer wrap rather then the normal, fatty fried chicken sandwich, even though i really do enjoy those! i would say i'm going to allow myself to go out to lunch once a week, but i don't think i'm ready to start making those extreme healthy choices yet, considering when i do go to lunch at subway, i order the flat bread tuna, with extra mayo, then i get a bag of baked layed, and then usually one or two cookies, and a soda!!

well i need to go get ready for work, after work, i'm going shopping for a new pair of running/walking sneakers, hopefully that will pick me up and make me motivated!! i have noticed that since i have stopped walking ( i used to walk every day for 45 minutes with brother and dog) i have been more and more tired, and especially since i have put back on some lbs, i have felt even more time, this dana reminds me of the dana when i started, sneaking out to go get food, hiding food in my purse, so my parents won't see it, and making poor choices when i do get out!!

alright so my weight as of this morning is: 256!! ((( AHHHHHHHHH no bueno!!!

[Tanie]

It seems like you know what you need to do, you're just not. It also seems like you have a lot of goals in mind like eating better, exercising, blogging, and de-stressing without food. So, do those things!!!! You many want to consider working on one a week and adding the others in. Then this way, you can get good at one (maybe eating first), and then get more motivation to work on another.

Good luck- keep us posted!

[EmilyRose]

I was just procrastinating on running this morning, when I just noticed the title of your entry. OFF I GO! Thanks for the extra motivation this morning, I most definitely needed it.

My trick for fast food cravings on the road? Always, always put your purse in the trunk. I'm guessing you won't want to pull over, get in the trunk, pull out the money, and get back into the drive through. Make it hard! =)

[Sexy Parrothead]

First, congratulations on the 50 pound loss. Also that is great that you are making small goals, then your goals seem more attainable. My BF and I have decided that we will go out 1 time per week for a meal. Sometimes he will go out at lunch, but for the most part I always bring my lunch to work. Also have some snacks in the car that are healthy, then it is easier to pass up the fast food. I have kind of gotten to the point that I don't even want to deal with trying to make a healthy choice at a fast food place and I don't want to have to deal with the guilt afterwards so I just don't stop. Well good luck with your goals, I hope you can find some support here and you will make your small and big goals!!