Jealousy

[erin]

I finally got time to watch Roni's video post. Although I was touched by the unhappiness question, what really struck me was the issue of jealousy. I'm sure I have had moments of being jealous of thin people, but what the jealousy I really struggle with is my views of my sister and how she lives her life.

You see, I stay home with my kids and 3 days a week I watch her two little girls while she goes to work as a Chiropractor. She is an excellent doctor and is a very goal-oriented person who has accomplished a lot. She is also in a much better place than I am financially. Because of that I find that I am jealous of her whenever she is able to buy things or go on trips that we would love to do, but can't afford. I am very happy with the way I live my life and the things that I do with my children and husband. I feel that what I am teaching them about appreciating what we have and thanking God daily for the things that He gives us are important things for them to understand, but I am still very competitive with her. She is totally oblivious (I think) to this. Because of my jealousy, I find myself constantly talking negatively about her to others including my parents. I know it isn't right and I don't want to be this way.

Roni's quote made me see that maybe my sister is jealous of me.
-I don't have huge college loans to pay off that force me to work in order to pay for them (I do have them, however, and they stink).
-I do have the flexability to homeschool my children rather than send them to public school.
- I attend a church with incredible worship where I have the priviledge to use my God given gift of singing for his glory and I get attention for it.
- I have (and take) time to do projects that she wouldn't dream to tackle
- I can cook like there's no tomorrow.

The sad part is that I want to take all of these things and make sure that she knows I can do it. I don't bring it up, or rub it in her face, but I am contiually seeking her recognition and approval for what I do.

For instance, she has attended my church to listen to me sing a few challenging solos with our choir and when the service was over, she didn't even tell me "good job." I know that I am not doing it for my glory, but it's always nice to get a pat on that back from time to time. It really hurts me when she doesn't recognize my accomplishments, but she makes sure everyone knows what she has done. She hasn't even commented on my weight loss and I have lost nearly 33 lbs. in the last 4 months! I know she is struggling with her weight too - could that be why she doesn't say anything- she's jealous?

Yeah, I do have things that others may desire. I guess I just need to accept that I can't have everything, but that God has given me exactly what He wants me to have - nothing more, nothing less.

I'm sorry this got so long. I hope I made sense. Have a good night!

[Kerina]

I believe that all we can do is to live our lives to the best of our abilities. Jealousy is a very difficult thing to come to terms with but it seems that you are definitely on the right track. Wow, what a brave thing to confront.

[Colleen]

First off I have to say sometimes its not just sisters who are jealous. I have noticed when ever i look good or feel good in the morning and leave for work nobody says WOW your happy today or Wow cute hair cut. Second of all we where doing the biggest loser at work, and everyone was paying 20.00 every other week and the pot was going to be about 500.00, well i got serious and started losing weight and guess what nobody else was so they gave me my 40.00 that i put in the pot back and quit the game can you believe that???? So I think jealous people are all around us. One of my friends said oh we will start in september. I am not playing the game but i am still doing ww on my own and only two of my co-workers have said something about my weigt loss.

[Missionary Boot Training]

Give yourself and your sister Grace - isn't that just an amazing thing!
Grace! WOW!
Hey if you like Third Day go to www.Jesusfreakhideout.com you will see a photo of Third Day and you can listen to their entire new album! It is pretty good!

[Missionary Boot Training]

I can relate - I have a similar sister - she makes a lot more money - can get her kids stuff whenever she wants. I think what you wrote about admitting your feelings is important. The enemy wants us to harbor evil thoughts about people. I compare myself to others all the time. Just the other day I was telling my husband that. I didn't use to do that. He said after I told him that - and a few other things I was struggling with - he thought I was being attacked. We are not effective as witnesses for Christ when we focus on things that bring us down. I would suggest that you write it down on paper as a prayer and pray for God to show you how to love your sister and to focus on that relationship that you had as children. Your a sinful human - you always will be - so that part won't change but you can give these feelings to God - capture them as you have them and tell yourself - oh there I go again. If you find yourself saying something negative about your sister to someone then right away say two positive things about her - or a childhood memory that you love. That would also be a good idea to just write down good memories of your relationship and maybe share those with her. Pray!

[Margaret]

Good job on not letting your sister get to you. You're a great person inside and out just remember that and you'll go far. Have a great day.

Maggie

[erin]

Thanks for your comments. I think I really just needed to admit my feelings and put them down on "paper" in order to move on and heal and try and rekindle the great relationship my sister and I had before husbands, careers, and children. It has been placed on my heart that I need to confess my feelings towards her and talk to her about them. I'm waiting for the courage and the right time and place.

[J. Ross]

I don't have any sisters, but I think we all struggle with the jealousy thing to some extent. Just try to find it in yourself to just be proud of yourself and not worry about what anyone else thinks. I'm sure she does struggle in her own ways. Sorry I don't have more advice than that.

[HungryHippos]

That's a very honest entry! Even if you don't have all the answers, it's great that you're exploring your thoughts. Jealousy is a difficult thing to deal with.

[Kimmy]

Sisters and jealousy go hand in hand. I have two sisters and we are constantly competing with one another. It would be worse if I lived near them! You are a good woman, though, since you are evaluating how this jealousy makes you feel. I know one day, when you feel great about yourself, you will be proud of her, and yourself as well. Hang in there, you will find what makes YOU happy.