Long time no talk

[Katherine Richeson]

So i have been too embarrassed to write a blog recently, as i have eaten whatever i want, with no cares in the world! I feel ashamed, and i'm sitting here watching the biggest loser crying, as Danny is like, i feel like the last 8 years have been like digging in the sand, and having it cave in, and i know that feeling, because i feel like that right now!!its like i'm good for a few weeks, and then it goes in the crapper and my cravings cave in! I don't know how to stop! Whether it is a drive thru, the gas station, candy, vending machines, crap food in the house, it really doesn't matter! i know what it is right now, i just don't know how to stop and say no! i want to eat to fill in the void in my life! I feel like i want to move out of my parents house only because i want to be able to hide what i eat! I love being here, i take there support for granted, but on the other hand, i hate that they put all this crap food in our house! they went to the grocery store today, and i just went into the kitchen and this is what i saw:

4 bags of potato chips
2 boxes of iceream bars
2 bags of doughnuts,
candy
cake
cookies

I mean and i know i should have control over what i choose to eat, but when you are always surrounded by it, it is hard to not partake a little bit, but when i partake a little bit, that triggers my desire for more! they don't understand how weak i still am!! I never work out anymore, i don't walk my dog, i don't watch what i eat, if i want it i buy it! I just need some control in my life, i feel so out of control on everything in my life! i totally smoke when i'm really stressed out, but have been trying to resist doing it! i feel so unattractive right now, because my stomach hurts so bad from wearing pants that are really tight!!

I am so lossed right now, I wish i had some support around me! i feel like i have no one, just angry all the time right now!!!

[Kristine B]

I know what it is like to be living at home and surrounded by unhealthy foods when you are trying to eat healthy. I struggled with this for years until I did finally move out of my parents home. I hear your heart on this, food is such a minefield.

Now I am living with my skinny fiance who loves his junk food. We have come up with a system where his "goodies" go into a specific cabinet and his "frozen goodies" go into the spare freezer and I don't even see them. I know there are delicious things in there (heck, I buy the groceries) but I have just made up my mind that whatever is in those two places is "his" and not mine to consume. Maybe you can try something like this in your home.

[Ex Yo-Yo Debbie]

Hang in there, Katherine. You'll get lots of support here, that is for sure! That food you listed...it would either be my dream come true if I was in "binge mode", or a nightmare if I was trying to get out of binge mode. I love food, yet I hate it too (or rather, I hate the control it has over me). I have never been the type of person who can just eat "at little bit" of sugary/fatty foods. It's the whole hog, baby.
Like you, I have gotten mad at people for bringing junky stuff into the house. It feels like sabotage. But when they (eg my husband) didn't buy junky food in his effort to support my weight loss efforts, then I would get mad that there was none in the house. And you know what I did...I went out and bought it myself (secretly of course).
It sounds like you want to change, or at least that you are getting tired of being in the food trap. I have just started back on track over the past couple of months...in early August I was stressed to the max. I had gained about 80 pounds in a year and a half--all emotional eating.
From June to August, I was floundering. I was scared to let go of the eating. How else would I feel better? In August, I finally came to the realization I couldn't move very well anymore. I started to make some changes, not big ones, like starting to go for little walks. I started to feel a little difference (for the better)...and my weight came down a little bit. It was the little push I needed to start making more changes. Now, I'm down 22 lbs. I'm by no means finished. Some days are easy. Many days are a struggle. And I'm mad that I'm not a "normal"eater. I'm trying to accept I probably never will. I am just trying to manage my screwed up relationship with food so I will be healthy and a normal weight.
I don't know if this helped. We are here if you need us!

[Dani]

We are here for you. Try not to feel bad. I would have a really hard time resisting all that type of food as well. Start by taking a walk, a nice, slow, long walk, and take a few deep breaths.......you'll feel better.