Book Excerpts!

[Tanie]

Maybe this discussion could include small excerpts from books that we have read. *Hopefully not breaking any copyrights"

[Tanie]

An excerpt from "Hungry" by Allen Zadoff. This excerpt summarizes three different types of eaters, including the normal eater. Long, but totally worth it! I will probably add it as a blog post one day too.


All Eaters Are Not Born Equal.... page 71-73

"There are three kinds of eaters: normal eaters, problem eaters, and compulsive overeaters.

A normal eater eats when she's hungry and stops when she's full. If she eats a little more over the holidays and gains a couple of pounds, she naturally adjusts after the holidays, and the weight magically disappears. A normal eater is not obsessed with the next meal, the perfect meal, the best dessert in the world. A normal eater is okay with her body. She may not love every inch of it, she may want to make some changes, but she's not stuck inside the house thinking about herself on a summer day. She's at the beach or out with friends having fun.

This is because a normal eater has a normal relationship with food and her body.

A problem eater struggles with food and his weight. He may overindulge on the weekends, then diet on the weekdays. He may be okay for months at a time, then suddenly find he's fifteen pounds overweight and uncomfortable about it. Somewhat grudgingly, he goes on a diet and takes off the weight. Then, buoyed by the compliments of friends, family, and coworkers, he buys new clothes, finds a girlfriend, and leaves the diet behind. He's okay until the next year, when he needs another diet, and the process repeats.

A problem eater thinks about calories. He reads food labels. He tries to make “healthy” choices. He exercises at the gym while doing the math in his head. “One more hour on the treadmill means I can eat a lot at the party Saturday night without feeling guilty,” he says. Then he eats too much at the party and feels guilty anyway.

A problem eater may stay a problem eater all his life, or he may get worse over time. He may look back years from now and realize he was already out of control with food but just couldn’t admit it at the time. A problem eater any become a compulsive overeater, or he may not.

A compulsive overeater, on the other hand, is obsessed with food and her body, sometimes to the exclusions of all else in her life. She labors under the belief that thin equals well, and she hates herself for not being thin enough. She plans her life around her weight, putting off events until she can fit into a certain dress, swimsuit, or pair of pants. She rewards and punishes herself based on her weight. She doesn’t date until the scale tells her it’s okay. She eats more when the scale tells her she’s got some room to maneuver.

The compulsive overeater often eats to excess and then wonders why she did it. She swears off certain foods and ways of eating only to find herself doing the same things again the next day. She obsesses over the perfect diet and keeps up on the newest, latest, and best. When she overhears a stranger at work talking about a new and crazy diet, she runs over and has a forty-five minute conversation with that person. The next day she’s on the diet.

A normal eater is free and at relative peace with herself and her body.

A problem eater is struggling, but ht struggle has not risen to the level of true misery.

A compulsive overeater has passed through the stages of problem eating to a place of real desperation, unhappiness, and confusion around food and weight. She has lost the ability to control her weight through diet and exercise. Her thinking around food, weight, and the body is distorted, and she doesn’t even know it.

Normal eater, problem eater, or compulsive overeater: It doesn’t matter which one you are. It only matters that you know which one you are. "

[Tanie]

I am definitely by nature, a compulsive overeater. However, I am constantly trying to overcome this. I guess that's why I got rid of the scale for awhile. Because I want my body and my mind (and new found knowledge from helpful books) to guide my eating and my weight loss, not a number.

I have made small strides to eat normally:
-Took up swimming last year because I wanted to! Didn't let fear of swimsuit get in the way.
-Went canoeing!
-Ignored scale
-Eating better portions (still not understanding when body is full yet, but trying to)
-Being at peace with my body (though still overweight)
-Less focus on making a meal "perfect", and just eating the foods I need

[RollerCoaster]

I love this idea! I have been reading "Nice Girls Finish Fat" by Karen Koenig and the chapter on Perfectionism really struck a chord. It was chapter 8. The basic gist is that perfectionism is not just about wanting to do something well or to the best of your ability. It is wanting to be perfect in order to avoid bad things happening to you. Here is the excerpt that I really identified with:

"Perfectionsm is a dierct reaction to being raised in a shame-based family. Then there's the hope that if you're a good little girl, Mommy won't throw things and Daddy won't stay out all night or get arrested again. We try to manage situations that are not of our making and over which we have basically no control by being good because most of us are raised to think that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. Not so, no so at all. It stands to reason that if being good sometimes calms down Mom or Dad, then being good all the time (that is, perfect) will win the day. You come to believe that if only you can keep up your grades, maintain a spotless room, not fight with your siblings, and do all your chores just right, nothing bad will happen.

When something bad does happen (and it always does), you think it's your fault and redouble your efforts rather than understand that your impact as a child on the behavior of your parents or relatives is slim to none. That they're triggered by their own internal impulses is beyond your ablity to comprehend, especially when they blame you for their actions and make you feel responsible for their acting badly. As a child you believe they ar right and you are wrong. Unfortunately, you build your life around the belief that you can fix other people and the world all by yourself if you only keep trying and trying and never give up. It's the worst kind of rat race, the most lonely treadmill, the saddest example of a dog chasing its tail."

I know that perfectionism is something I struggle with but this is the first time I am seeing it as how I try to stop or control "bad" situations. It is also how I avoid shame. It's sort of mind-blowing that it's not just a behavior I have to fix.

Great idea, Tanie! I can't wait to hear what other excerpts people share.

[Tanie]

I have a problem in that I try to fix my weight problem all by myself. Granted, it is important to see that I have put myself in this situation and accept full responsibility. But, at the same time, I often close off myself from others, because I need to do it myself. I need to be perfect. A perfect person does not need help from others.

But, they do. And no one is perfect. Everyone needs help and support from others to get through life. Not only help, but other people tremendously enhance the quality of living.

I don't have to struggle with my weight alone anymore. I can use the people in this blog and people in my home and environment to help me. They provide great strength on which to draw from (because I'm not perfect nor will I be anytime soon).

Thanks for posting this! It's awesome!